It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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