I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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