And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
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I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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