Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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