Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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