hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
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Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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