he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
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I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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