Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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