I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize