I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
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I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
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sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
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