last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
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Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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