His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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