hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize