i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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