hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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