take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
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the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
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My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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