Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
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I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
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Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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