Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize