I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize