your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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