I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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