Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize