i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
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He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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