he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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