Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
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words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
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You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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