If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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