I'm so fucking centered right now
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Everclear isn't food dammit
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize