I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
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why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
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Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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