my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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