Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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