The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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