I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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