I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
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Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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