apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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