What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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