She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize