How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize