I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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