its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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