You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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