That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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