found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize