i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize