i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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