had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize