i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
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DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
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I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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