that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am naked and annoyed.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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