I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
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I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
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That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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