Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
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She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
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I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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