dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
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I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
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I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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