Redeem this text for a blowjob
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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