I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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